One of my favorite songs this year has been “Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive,” which was first published in 1944.  I like it not only because the tune is catchy, but also because the words inspire me.  Given that both President Monson and President Hinckley have quoted the song in their talks, it must offer some good advice.  Here’s the first stanza:

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

And here is my favorite recording of the song:

I think we could all use an extra dose of optimism, especially during this week of thanksgiving. As you do so, please consider the following words of wisdom:

President Monson:

This is a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. While there are some things wrong in the world today, there are many things right, such as teachers who teach, ministers who minister, marriages that make it, parents who sacrifice, and friends who help.

We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues (Thomas S. Monson, “An Attitude of Gratitude,” 2000).

President Hinckley:

I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort…

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears (Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Continuing Pursuit of Truth,” 1986).

I hope we can all “accentuate the positive” more often.

What do you think?

It seems to me that the general authorities of the Church have been addressing the topic of pornography more and more in recent years.  I decided to find out.  I did an online search for any conference talk that has mentioned the word “pornography” or “pornographic” since 1969.  The search revealed 214 talks.  I made the following graph to show the distribution of these talks over the years:

Trends

The trend that I noticed first is that since 1998 there have been 5 to 10 talks each year that mention pornography.  This rate is quite a bit higher than any decade before it.

I also noticed that in some years there were no mentions or just one (1969, 1972, 1985, 1995, 1996), which surprises me.  Then there were years like 1973, 1974, 1992, 1993 in which pornography mentions spiked.  I wonder if in those years pornography was an even greater problem or if the increase is just a coincidence.

The two main lessons I learned from doing this analysis are 1) Pornography is not a new problem.  The Brethren have been addressing it often since at least 1970.  2) The pornography problem must be getting worse.  As time goes on, the Brethren are addressing the issue more often and more consistently.  I assume that this is due to the proliferation of pornography throughout our society, especially on the Internet.

Effects

Pornography is deadly.  Once viewed, it tantalizes the mind and binds men and women into spiritual and physical slavery.  It destroys minds, careers, families, and souls.  We should all avoid pornography like the plague (or swine flu, if you prefer).  Here is a brief selection of warnings and calls to repentance from the talks that I reviewed:

The effects of pornography

Along with losing the Spirit, pornography users also lose perspective and proportion (Clayton, 2007).

Pornography produces fantasies that destroy spirituality … Pornography also inflicts mortal wounds on our most precious personal relationships (Oaks, 2005).

Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its effects on their life and the lives of others.  Pornography is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it “hooks” its users, drawing them back obsessively for more and more (Oaks, 2005).

[Pornography] leads to fantasies that are destructive of self-respect. It leads to illicit relationships, often to disease, and to abusive criminal activity … It will be amen to the effectiveness of that priesthood for anyone who engages in the practice of seeking out pornographic material (Hinckley, 2004).

Counsel to avoid pornography and repent

My brothers and sisters, involvement in [pornography] will literally destroy the spirit. Be strong. Be clean. Avoid such degrading and destructive types of content at all costs—wherever they may be! I sound this warning to everyone, everywhere … And if you have allowed yourself to become involved in this behavior, cease now. Seek the help you need to overcome and to change the direction of your life. Take the steps necessary to get back on the strait and narrow, and then stay there (Monson, 2009).

Avoid the deadly poisons of pornography and narcotics (Packer, 2009).

Do all that you can to avoid pornography … Do not patronize pornography (Oaks, 2005).

Let any who may be in the grip of this vise get upon their knees in the privacy of their closet and plead with the Lord for help to free them from this evil monster. Otherwise, this vicious stain will continue through life and even into eternity (Hinckley, 2004).

Resolve to avoid pornography as you would avoid the most insidious disease, for that is precisely what it is (Ballard, 2002).

Avoid pornography as you would a plague (Hinckley, 1983).

Members of the Church everywhere are urged to not only resist the widespread plague of pornography, but as citizens to become actively and relentlessly engaged in the fight against this insidious enemy of humanity around the world (Kimball, 1976).

What do you think?

Last summer, I attended a conference for the “young single adults” in my area. The conference theme was “the power of balance.”  As part of the weekend, the organizers asked my friend Nate Justis to write and perform a song about living a balanced life.  I really enjoyed the melody, humor, and message of the song, so I’m sharing it with you.  You can listen to it in the box below or you can click here.

Ever tried to juggle twelve bowling pins while walking across a tight rope?  I hear it’s pretty hard to do.  What about staying sane while simultaneously trying to be a productive employee or student, fulfill your church calling, care for your family and friends, keep your house and health in order, attend the temple, study the scriptures and other good books, participate in civic affairs, and do everything else you want to do or think you should do?  That’s a pretty challenging feat, too.

I’ve written recently about the importance of living a simple life.  Closely related to this concept, and equally important,  is living a balanced life.  A simple life is good, but it is even better when it includes a variety of activities and when its executor does not run faster than he or she has strength.  We must do all things in wisdom and order.

What does it mean to live a balanced life?  Let’s first list some characteristics of an imbalanced life:

• Working 12+ hours each day
• Playing video games or watching Youtube videos all day
• Reading the scriptures all day
• Sleeping less than is reasonably needed
• Trying to accomplish more in one day than is physically, mentally, or emotionally possible

In other words, it is best to divide our time among various worthy activities.  True, some days we may need to dedicate extra time to, say, family or work.  Perhaps even over the course of a semester as a student or a 5-year period as a bishop we may need to focus more on specific activities, but, generally, we should strive for balance.  Also, we should also try to accomplish everything of which we are capable each day but nothing more.  We simply can’t do everything we’d like to do.  Elder Maxwell said this:

We unwisely often write checks against our time accounts as we never would dare do, comparably, against our bank accounts. Sometimes we make so many commitments, they become like the vines in the allegory of Jacob, threatening to “overcome the roots,” including the roots of family relationships, friendships, and relationships with God. (Neal A. Maxwell, “Wisdom and Order,” Aug., 25, 1993)

Some people run about frantically from event to event or chore to chore while oblivious to the simple joys of life.  Even when going about doing good, frenzied industriousness is not orderly and is not necessarily wise.   In the same talk, Elder Maxwell also said this:

Somehow, giving unhurried time is a greater gift even if the minutes or hours are technically the same as when hurried.

It is best to determine which activities are “good,” “better,” and “best” for us to do, as Elder Oaks has explained, and then to start with the “best” activities and work our way down the list.  I have found great satisfaction in working to accomplish those goals and daily tasks that are most important to me while keeping things simple and balanced.  Living a simple, balanced life is one good way to do things in wisdom and order.

What do you think?

I’d like to share a talk with you that means a lot to me.  It’s called “Our Refined Heavenly Home” by Elder Douglas L. Callister.  Perhaps you’ve read it.  It was originally given at a BYU devotional in 2006 and was subsequently reprinted in BYU magazine in full and in the June Ensign in part.

Photo by Bradley Slade

Why does this talk mean so much to me?  It puts into eloquent words many lessons and truths that the Spirit has taught me over the years — lessons and truths that in some cases I have been able to articulate but in many cases I have not, though I have made sense of them in my mind and felt them in my heart.

I’ll let you read the talk on your own, but here is one paragraph that describes the purpose of it:

Today I would like to peek behind the veil that temporarily separates us from our heavenly home and paint a word picture of the virtuous, lovely, and refined circumstances that exist there. I will speak of the language, literature, music, and art of heaven, as well as the immaculate appearance of heavenly beings, for I believe that in heaven we will find each of these in pure and perfected form.

And here is one of Elder Callister’s most important teachings:

The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things.

I believe this teaching to be true.  And it’s not something a person understands until they experience it themselves.  The nearer we get to God, the more we know Him, and the more we become like Him, the more we recognize, appreciate, and seek after the good, the pure, the virtuous, the tasteful, the profound, the beautiful, and the refined in all aspects of life.

Please take a few minutes to read or listen to this talk.  I think you’ll find it to be inspiring and enlightening.

What do you think?

My week-long experiment of trying to live a more simple life was a great success.  My hypothesis before the experiment was that I’d have more time to do things that are most important to me (e.g. sleep and read) and that my mind would be more clear and at peace more often.  Both predictions came true.

I felt a great sense of freedom not being attached to checking my e-mail, my phone, and Facebook so often.  It helped me focus better on the task at hand rather than being distracted by other things.  It reminded me that personal contact with friends and family is more fulfilling and useful than a text message or e-mail.

Though I watched very little TV before, I realized after the week of experimentation that I didn’t miss watching the programs I was used to watching–at all.

In fact, I didn’t turn on my TV once during June and had my cable disconnected a week ago.  I haven’t thought twice about it.  Not only have I enjoyed reading instead of watching TV while I eat meals, but I’m also going to save about $50/month by not having cable.

I’m still doing most of the things I set out to do during my experiment and my life is better for it.  I encourage everyone else to give these things a try and to identify other ways you can simplify your life.

What do you think?

Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time to do everything you’d like to do?  Do you find yourself always trying to “catch up”?  Do the pressures of work, family, social life, and church callings all coming down on you at once, and constantly, seem too much to bear?  Sometimes I feel this way.

In Elder Perry’s October 2008 conference address, he said,

“In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives.”

I’d like to obtain relief from the stresses of life, so I’m going to see what I can do to simplify my life.  I think an experiment is in order here.  I think I’ll go on a fast, not of food but of stressors and distractions.  Here’s what I’ve chosen to do, or not do, for the next week:

Limit Media/Communication

• No Internet after 10 p.m.
• Check personal e-mail only once during lunch and once in the evening.
• Check phone for voicemails/texts only once during lunch and once in the evening.
• No T.V. at all; no movies except for at social gatherings (which happens rarely for me).
• No Facebook unless I get a personal message.
• While at work, focus on work 100% except during lunch.  No personal e-mails, YouTube videos e-mailed from co-workers, or Web surfing (including news) not related to my research.

Slow Down

• Leave for appointments or meetings with plenty of time to spare.  This will help me arrive on time and decrease the stress of driving in a hurry.
• Take the bus as often as possible.  This takes more time but is more relaxing than driving to/from work and also gives me quiet time to read and ponder.  Biking is also good when possible.
• Identify a few important tasks that I will complete each day and consider any additional tasks accomplished a bonus.  This will help me feel I’ve accomplished what I’ve set out to do each day, thus reducing the pressure to do more than is necessary or possible.
• Any other ideas?  No blogging?  No eating?  No dating?

I think some of these things will be hard to do, but I think the experiment is worth a try.  I’m guessing that I’ll be more able to devote more time to things that are most important to me, and I’ll be less stressed out than usual.  We’ll see.  I’ll let you know.

I invite you to make your own list of stressors and distractions that if eliminated or reduced might help simplify your life, and maybe you can fast along with me for the next week.  I’d love to hear your experiences.

What do you think?

“Watching You,” by Rodney Atkins

This video inspires me, especially the part when the son prays.  It makes me want to be a good dad, when I am one, and it reminds me that whether we like it or not, someone is always watching us.  Knowing that people are paying attention to what we do and say should not worry us, rather it should encourage us to be the very best we can at all times.

Many people are role models for others, especially people like parents, ecclesiastical leaders, and career mentors, even though they might not choose to be.  I hope we can all do our best to be our best selves in a way that inspires others to be their best.  We shouldn’t do it to look good in front of others but simply because we want to be our best, and people who happen to watch us will want to be better themselves.

What do you think?

***Here’s a brief summary of a story told at a recent BYU devotional that illustrates how knowing someone is watching you can inspire you to be better:

“Brooks told a story of how he was carrying around a BYU briefcase temporarily after his own broke, yet he’s Roman Catholic. He claimed it was changing his personality, because he wanted to live up to the LDS reputation. He didn’t want someone to see him acting like a jerk at the airport and have that give the Mormons a bad name. It was making his life better, and things were going really well for him, and the service for which the LDS have become “justifiably famous” was making him better.”

You can hear the story and whole talk here.

Perhaps you’ve heard of a television program called “Biggest Loser.”  I hear it’s a competition to see who can lose the most weight in about 3 months.  Well, this idea has inspired me. 

I don’t need to lose any weight; in fact, if I did I might look like a beanpole.  What I do need to do is gain a few pounds, so I’m starting my own competition called “Biggest Gainer.”

The object of the competition is to see who can gain the most weight in the month of April — not fat, just solid body mass.  The prize is…personal fulfillment, including more strength, more energy, and more glances while in the cereal aisle at the grocery store (if that’s what you want).  Who’s in?

Here’s my game plan:

1. Eat three full meals each day, including lots of “healthy” fat, protein, and carbs (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, pasta)
2. Eat 1-2 healthy snacks each day
3. Lift weights 3-4 times each week
4. Run 2-6 miles three times each week (or will this make me lose weight?)
5. Any other suggestions?

The competition begins April 1st and ends April 30th.  Those who prefer to shrink rather than expand their circumference may also participate, but to win they must lose twice as many pounds as I gain.

Just so you know, I don’t fret much at all about my weight, but I really enjoy a challenge, and this one will test my fortitude.  It will also make me healthy and strong.

What do you think?

How do you decide which movies to watch? Does anything go?  No R-rated movies? Some other standard?

The “no R-rated movies” standard is a good start, but it isn’t enough. I realized this shortly after returning from my mission. During my service, there were few distractions – no worldly music, movies, news, or other media and entertainment. For two years, my soul had been marinated in the Spirit

Upon my return, the first movie I watched was rated PG-13. It shocked me. The violence, profanity, secret combinations, and other immorality that spewed from the screen engulfed my soul with darkness. The contrast between my feelings then and during my mission was unmistakable.

That day, I determined that I had to set my standard for choosing which movies to watch very high. I wanted and we all need the Spirit to guide, comfort, instruct, warn, and sanctify us. Anytime we think, see, hear, or do anything that offends the Spirit  He must leave us.

Mission rules regarding media are designed to help missionaries be pure, focused, and separate from the world in order to be worthy of the constant companionship of the Spirit. So, if missionaries avoid most media to have the Spirit, and we need the Spirit too, then why are our standards any different?

Now, I’m not saying that we should only watch movies like Legacy and Johnny Lingo. My point is that our standard should be high. It should not depend on what others do, it should depend only on what our Heavenly Father wants us to do. The standards of the world are perpetually deteriorating, whereas Gospel standards never change. Our bar must stay put even as the world continues to drop its bar.

What should be our standard? Just because a movie is rated PG-13, PG, or even G, doesn’t mean something in it won’t offend the Spirit. And yes, just one bad scene or phrase can offend the Spirit. Also, movies “edited” for TV, by a store, or anybody else don’t necessarily make them clean. I think we need to reverse our thinking.

Rather than simply avoiding movies that don’t offend the Spirit, we should choose to watch movies that invite the Spirit and uplift us. Why spend two hours watching something that doesn’t uplift you or add some value to your life, whether that value is knowledge, motivation, or wholesome relaxation? Rather than straddle the line of good and evil, we should look toward Christ as the mark of perfection and take part only in things that point us toward Him. We are either moving toward Him or away from Him, there is no middle ground.

What do you think?

Here are some quotes to consider:

“Don’t attend or participate in any form of entertainment, including concerts, movies, and videocassettes, that is vulgar, immoral, inappropriate, suggestive, or pornographic in any way. Movie ratings not always accurately reflect offensive content. Don’t be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what’s being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father’s standards.”

For the Strength of Youth

“The depth of your reverence is evident in your choice of music and other entertainment.”

True to the Faith, p. 145.

“As John Wesley’s mother counseled him: ‘Avoid whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, . . . increases the authority of the body over the mind….’

Do not make your mind a dumping ground for other people’s garbage. It is harder to purge the mind of rotten reading than to purge the body of rotten food, and it is more damaging to the soul.”

Ezra Taft Benson, In His Steps, 1979

“We live in a world that is filled with filth and sleaze, a world that reeks of evil. It is all around us. It is on the television screen. It is at the movies. It is in the popular literature. It is on the Internet. You can’t afford to watch it, my dear friends. You cannot afford to let that filthy poison touch you. Stay away from it. Avoid it. You can’t rent videos and watch them as they portray degrading things. You young men who hold the priesthood of God cannot mix this filth with the holy priesthood…”

Gordon B. Hinckley, A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth, 2001.

Is this guy honest?

“We believe in being honest…” (A of F 1:13)

What does it mean to be “honest”?  At first, it seems simple–just tell the truth.  Well, what is the “truth”?

I have found that understanding what it means to be honest is more complicated than it seems.  Consider the following scenarios and decide whether or not these people are honest.

Scenarios

1. A young father in grad school goes to a Christmas tree lot on Dec. 23rd.  He tells the owner that there’s a poor family in his congregation at church that doesn’t have a tree.  The father assumes that the owner is going to throw the leftover trees out after Christmas, so he convinces him to sell a tree with an 80 percent discount.  The poor family happens to be this young father’s family.  He takes the tree home for his wife and children to enjoy.  Is the father honest?
2. A new insurance salesman buys a brand new Cadillac to impress potential clients, even though he doesn’t make enough money yet to afford it.  Is the insurance salesman honest?
3. A secretary answers the phone and an insurance salesman asks to speak with Mr. Smith, her boss.  Mr. Smith steps outside his office for one minute and tells his secretary he doesn’t want to speak with the salesman.  The secretary says to the salesman, “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith isn’t in his office, he can’t talk right now.”  Mr. Smith goes back into his office.  Are Mr. Smith and the secretary honest?
4. A man wears a toupée on a date to hide his balding head.  Is the man honest?
5. A quarterback fakes a pass to his receiver and hands off the ball to his running back.  Is the quarterback honest?

Now, read this definition of honesty by Robert Louis Stevenson:

“To tell the truth is not just to state the facts but to convey a true impression.”

Does that change your opinion on any of these scenarios?  Please submit comments to let me know what you think about these scenarios.  Also, how would you define “honest”?

What do you think?

*Many of these ideas come from a seminar I attended with Quinn McKay.  If you are interested in reading his book called “The Bottom Line on Integrity,” then click here.