30
Dec

What’s in a gift?

   Posted by: matthewpiccolo   in Miscellaneous

Add Comment

As a child, sleep for me on Christmas Eve was harder to come by than snow flurries in the Sahara Desert.  After counting hundreds of sheep, goats, and other woolly mammals, I would eventually fall asleep but then toss and turn throughout the night.  Beginning at about 5 a.m., I would lay awake, anxiously awaiting the arrival of 7 o’clock — the time we were allowed to get up.

Times have changed.  On Christmas morning this year, I woke up at 9 a.m. and wanted to sleep longer.  Although I was certainly looking forward to Christmas, I was in no rush to surrender the warmth and comfort of my bed for the events that were to come that day.

Photo by Matt J

Photo by Matt J

What has changed? I think the most obvious difference between now and then is that my views on gift-giving and gift-receiving have transformed over time.  During my childhood and adolescence, Christmas was mostly about the thrill of seeing what Santa and my family had left for me.  This year, Christmas was mostly about spending time with family, taking a break from work, listening to good music, and remembering Christ.  For me, receiving gifts just isn’t what it used to be.

I find very little joy or satisfaction in receiving gifts.  Rarely do I really need anything and when I do I can buy it for myself.  Because of this, I always have a hard time writing up a “wish list,” and I almost feel bad that people spend money on me.

Though I am always grateful for everything people generously give me, what I enjoy most about gift exchanges is watching someone open a gift they love and appreciate, especially when I am the giver.  For example, we used to know when one of my sisters really liked a gift because as she opened it she would let out an abrupt, high-pitched, eardrum-shattering scream.  For me, witnessing that scene is a lot more exciting than opening a gift myself.

I hope I don’t sound like a Scrooge.  I just find much more joy in giving gifts than receiving them, and other Christmas events such as spending time with family and friends and attending Christmas concerts like the Messiah Sing-along mean much more to me now than they used to.  Here are a few concluding thoughts on Christmas gifts:

  • The best gifts are those that require the most thought, have some special meaning, or are homemade.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only gift is a portion of thyself.”  I do love to receive these kinds of gifts because they mean much more to me.
  • Never return a gift.  I know it’s tempting to be practical about giving and receiving gifts, but because I believe it really is “the thought that counts,” I’ve decided never to return a gift.  When I have returned gifts in the past I’ve regretted it.
  • Gift-giving should happen all year long.  Why do we give gifts mostly just around Christmas time?  Why not surprise someone you love with a thoughtful gift on Easter, Columbus Day, or any random day?

What do you think?

Share/Save/Bookmark

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 at 7:33 pm and is filed under Miscellaneous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

7 comments so far

Steve
 1 

I understand what you’re saying. I realized this year that I start getting excited for Christmas after I’ve bought gifts for other people (especially my wife) because I can’t wait for them to open them.

On the other hand, I think it’s important to remember that gift giving is a two-way street. Other people can’t experience as much joy in giving if we don’t find joy in receiving.

Different people have different styles and go through different phases in life. Even though it didn’t require much thought, I really really enjoyed getting a gift card this year because now I can go get some books I’ve really wanted. The giver (and his wife) gave it with a good heart, which was enough for me.

Now, if you want to get philosophical, what if someone gave you a movie that they didn’t realize had the f- word in it? Would you return it rather than keep it in your home? Just saying there are sometimes exceptions.

Also, if I gave a gift to someone but didn’t realize they already had something like that or that they wouldn’t use it, I’d be totally happy for them to return it and get something they preferred. Even though I gave the original gift with love, my real goal would be for them to have something they really would enjoy.

December 31st, 2009 at 8:54 am
Rachel Ruth
 2 

How about this? Since Alex and I don’t individually have our own money – we just haver our money- how do I give him a gift that is really from me? We’ve tried giving budgets for how much a person can spend on Christmas or birthday gifts, but since that money technically is both Alex’s and mine, he wants to be sure it is spent in the very best way. Of course I also want to spend it in a way that will please him the most, but I get a lot of enjoyment out of gift giving if I can secretly observe what I think a person would want and then get it for them. The problem is that Alex almost always prefers to save money, so he would rather I give him the money so that he can save it. But, I want to give him a gift, and an envelope with money that I took out of our bank account doesn’t seem like much of a gift- especially because if he does end up spending it, it isn’t for another year or two when he has finally saved up enough money to get an expensive electronic device or software, by which time the money given long ago for a gift is forgotten. I appreciate his frugality and low-emphasis on material things, but, I want to give him a gift! If someone else gives him something that isn’t his top priority for what he would have spent the money on, then he is grateful and appreciates it; if I do the same , then it is as if I spent our money poorly. How do I resolve this, big brothers?

January 3rd, 2010 at 1:44 am
Lindsay Call
 3 

Neal and I have talked about and thought about gifts a lot this year because we were visited by 3 different secret santas that all gave us really nice gifts and/or cash. It was so unexpected and was kind of hard for Neal because like you, he doesn’t really care that much for gifts. I agree with you that we should care more about giving than receiving, but I actually think receiving serves an important purpose in our lives as well. I have particularly been pondering this because of these anonymous givers, contemplating how learning to receive gifts graciously and gratefully can remind us (even when it feels like too much or we don’t really need it more than other) of the gifts that Heavenly Father is constantly giving us. Being the recipient can sometimes humble us, or strengthen our resolve to give more and better to others, or remind us that this life is about interdependence.

January 3rd, 2010 at 9:53 pm
matthewpiccolo
 4 

Steve,

We already talked in person about your comments so I won’t say too much here. I’ll just say that you made some good points and reiterate that I agree with what you said and that my comments were based on general principles but, of course, there will always be exceptions. It is important to remember that if nobody wants to receive gifts then nobody can experience the joy of giving good gifts.

Rachel Ruth,

That’s a very interesting dilemma that I imagine a lot of couples face. I know that many couples have separate budgets year-round that they can each use on whatever they want, but I don’t know if you do that or not. If you were to save some of that money that is more like it really is yours, then it might mean more to Alex, but maybe not. Maybe the what you could do is think of a homemade gift or a gift that is very customized to what Alex might want (e.g. a shirt with your face on it) and then he’d value the gift more than just for the monetary value.

Lindsay,

That’s a really good point about needing to receive gifts graciously and gratefully. I hope and think that I do that okay, but I’m sure I can do better at it. I do still enjoy receiving gifts and appreciate the thought, time, and money that goes into giving them, I just don’t get as excited as when I was younger. Thanks for your comment.

January 4th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Steve
 5 

Rachel. I would echo what Matt said about having a little “personal money” in your budget for each spouse. In fact, I think you were the one who recommended it to me. If you have your own money, then you have to set the rule that the other can’t complain how you spend it, even if you buy something for them.

January 4th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Rachel
 6 

Steve and Matt, good suggestion. I remember suggesting the year-round personal budget to you, Steve, but we haven’t been super good about implementing it because we aren’t super good at keeping a well-planned monthly budget. I guess we just need to find more time to settle our monthly budget. Good advice for more than one reason :) .

January 8th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Teresa
 7 

I do enjoy giving gifts, more than receiving them (and usually take a month or so to come up with a “wish list” my mother requests for birthdays and Christmas).

By far one of my most favorite gifts I gave was to my grandfather a few years ago for his 80th Birthday. I compiled a detailed list of 80 specific memories I had of him. I thought it would be simple, but I did have trouble during the last 15 or so, probably because I only lived nearby him during college, since we lived 2k miles apart while I was growing up (and didn’t see him every year).

In addition to giving a gifts, I love to do things for others (serving them, or helping them) for fun. When they’re expecting me to do it, it takes the fun out of it!!

January 15th, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Leave a reply

Name (*)
Mail (will not be published) (*)
URI
Comment
Back to top