Photo by Phil Scoville

You’ve probably heard the term “separation of church and state,” well, what about “separation of church and date”?

I first heard the term in 2001 from a good friend at BYU.  The idea is that single people should avoid dating those with whom they associate in church activity.  For instance, a home teacher shouldn’t date a girl he home teaches; a Family Home Evening co-chair shouldn’t date his co-chair; and an Elder’s Quorum president should not date the Relief Society president in his ward.

Why not?  Because the personal interactions these people have outside of church might disrupt the official interactions they have inside of church while carrying out their duties.   Consider the following scenario.

Many singles’ wards, especially outside of Utah, call a single brother in the ward to serve in the bishopric.  Now, imagine being a sister in his ward, dating him, and then going in for a temple recommend interview with him.  Awkward.  Sure, you might be able to request an interview with another member of the bishopric, but this is just one example of how violating the law of separation of church and date can create very awkward encounters.

Perhaps, the most difficult situation to face occurs when there is a breakup.  In this case, not only do you see your “ex” at church, but you also serve with him or her in your calling.  The sadness or tension created by such a situation just ‘aint no good.  It can significantly diminish the quality of your church experience and affect your ability to serve others.

Typically, at least one of the broken-hearted love birds decides to move to another nest (ward).  To avoid this inconvenience, many singles simply choose not to date anybody at all in their current ward.  In the end, the best way to have both happy dating relationships and a meaningful church experience is to adhere to the law of separation of church and date. Just do it.

What do you think?

How do you decide which movies to watch? Does anything go?  No R-rated movies? Some other standard?

The “no R-rated movies” standard is a good start, but it isn’t enough. I realized this shortly after returning from my mission. During my service, there were few distractions – no worldly music, movies, news, or other media and entertainment. For two years, my soul had been marinated in the Spirit

Upon my return, the first movie I watched was rated PG-13. It shocked me. The violence, profanity, secret combinations, and other immorality that spewed from the screen engulfed my soul with darkness. The contrast between my feelings then and during my mission was unmistakable.

That day, I determined that I had to set my standard for choosing which movies to watch very high. I wanted and we all need the Spirit to guide, comfort, instruct, warn, and sanctify us. Anytime we think, see, hear, or do anything that offends the Spirit  He must leave us.

Mission rules regarding media are designed to help missionaries be pure, focused, and separate from the world in order to be worthy of the constant companionship of the Spirit. So, if missionaries avoid most media to have the Spirit, and we need the Spirit too, then why are our standards any different?

Now, I’m not saying that we should only watch movies like Legacy and Johnny Lingo. My point is that our standard should be high. It should not depend on what others do, it should depend only on what our Heavenly Father wants us to do. The standards of the world are perpetually deteriorating, whereas Gospel standards never change. Our bar must stay put even as the world continues to drop its bar.

What should be our standard? Just because a movie is rated PG-13, PG, or even G, doesn’t mean something in it won’t offend the Spirit. And yes, just one bad scene or phrase can offend the Spirit. Also, movies “edited” for TV, by a store, or anybody else don’t necessarily make them clean. I think we need to reverse our thinking.

Rather than simply avoiding movies that don’t offend the Spirit, we should choose to watch movies that invite the Spirit and uplift us. Why spend two hours watching something that doesn’t uplift you or add some value to your life, whether that value is knowledge, motivation, or wholesome relaxation? Rather than straddle the line of good and evil, we should look toward Christ as the mark of perfection and take part only in things that point us toward Him. We are either moving toward Him or away from Him, there is no middle ground.

What do you think?

Here are some quotes to consider:

“Don’t attend or participate in any form of entertainment, including concerts, movies, and videocassettes, that is vulgar, immoral, inappropriate, suggestive, or pornographic in any way. Movie ratings not always accurately reflect offensive content. Don’t be afraid to walk out of a movie, turn off a television set, or change a radio station if what’s being presented does not meet your Heavenly Father’s standards.”

For the Strength of Youth

“The depth of your reverence is evident in your choice of music and other entertainment.”

True to the Faith, p. 145.

“As John Wesley’s mother counseled him: ‘Avoid whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, takes off your relish for spiritual things, . . . increases the authority of the body over the mind….’

Do not make your mind a dumping ground for other people’s garbage. It is harder to purge the mind of rotten reading than to purge the body of rotten food, and it is more damaging to the soul.”

Ezra Taft Benson, In His Steps, 1979

“We live in a world that is filled with filth and sleaze, a world that reeks of evil. It is all around us. It is on the television screen. It is at the movies. It is in the popular literature. It is on the Internet. You can’t afford to watch it, my dear friends. You cannot afford to let that filthy poison touch you. Stay away from it. Avoid it. You can’t rent videos and watch them as they portray degrading things. You young men who hold the priesthood of God cannot mix this filth with the holy priesthood…”

Gordon B. Hinckley, A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth, 2001.

Is this guy honest?

“We believe in being honest…” (A of F 1:13)

What does it mean to be “honest”?  At first, it seems simple–just tell the truth.  Well, what is the “truth”?

I have found that understanding what it means to be honest is more complicated than it seems.  Consider the following scenarios and decide whether or not these people are honest.

Scenarios

1. A young father in grad school goes to a Christmas tree lot on Dec. 23rd.  He tells the owner that there’s a poor family in his congregation at church that doesn’t have a tree.  The father assumes that the owner is going to throw the leftover trees out after Christmas, so he convinces him to sell a tree with an 80 percent discount.  The poor family happens to be this young father’s family.  He takes the tree home for his wife and children to enjoy.  Is the father honest?
2. A new insurance salesman buys a brand new Cadillac to impress potential clients, even though he doesn’t make enough money yet to afford it.  Is the insurance salesman honest?
3. A secretary answers the phone and an insurance salesman asks to speak with Mr. Smith, her boss.  Mr. Smith steps outside his office for one minute and tells his secretary he doesn’t want to speak with the salesman.  The secretary says to the salesman, “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith isn’t in his office, he can’t talk right now.”  Mr. Smith goes back into his office.  Are Mr. Smith and the secretary honest?
4. A man wears a toupée on a date to hide his balding head.  Is the man honest?
5. A quarterback fakes a pass to his receiver and hands off the ball to his running back.  Is the quarterback honest?

Now, read this definition of honesty by Robert Louis Stevenson:

“To tell the truth is not just to state the facts but to convey a true impression.”

Does that change your opinion on any of these scenarios?  Please submit comments to let me know what you think about these scenarios.  Also, how would you define “honest”?

What do you think?

*Many of these ideas come from a seminar I attended with Quinn McKay.  If you are interested in reading his book called “The Bottom Line on Integrity,” then click here.

Have you ever wondered what the correct pronunciation of the official Church magazine “Ensign” is?  I think it’s so important that I thought I’d attempt to clear it up here.

To hear the correct pronunciation please click on the link below.  It will be well worth your time, I promise.

Ensign Pronunciation

Okay, maybe it’s not that important, but the editors of Ensign have thought it important enough to publish the correct pronunciation many, many times, even back in the ’70’s.  Below are just a few examples I found during a brief online search.

January 2005

“The name of this [Ensign] magazine if pronounced en-sine, not en-sun or en-zine.”

April 2001

The Ensign (preferred pronunciation: N’sign, not N’sun)

July 1979

Pronouncing Ensign

How do you pronounce Ensign?

Patricia Robbins
Gulfport, Mississippi

It is pronounced En’ sine. Although most dictionaries acknowledge either en’ sun or en’ sine as acceptable, some dictionaries (and common usage) seem to reserve en’ sun for the military rank and en’ sine for the banner or emblem. “And she (Zion) shall be an ensign unto the people, and there shall come unto her out of every nation under heaven” (D&C 64:42).

January 1977

Ensine

You people in Salt Lake City should hear the way many pronounce the name of your beautiful magazine. We hear: (1) Ensine, (2) Ensun (Navy), (3) Enzun. I get so tired of listening to #2 and #3 that I could scream. I wonder if you could note in the magazine the correct way to pronounce the name of the magazine?

John C. Barlow
Rupert, Idaho

Congratulations, #1 it is!

June 1975

Ensine or Ensun?

Please tell us the correct pronunciation of the Ensign. Some people call it “the Ensine” and some call it “the Ensun.” Which is correct?

Harold Collier
Chicago, Illinois

We pronounce it En-sine because it most accurately reflects the pronunciation Church leaders give to the word “ensign” when they read it in scriptural passages.

Rice-Eccles Stadium, home of the Runnin' Utes

The Utah Utes just finished a 13-0 season and ended up #2 in the AP Poll and #4 in the USA Today Coaches’ Poll.  Should they be #1?

Before I begin, you should know I’m not a Utah fan, I’m a BYU fan; however, I do route for the Utes and other Mountain West teams when they aren’t playing BYU.  As my co-worker says, if I route for BYU and Utah I can’t lose; either my tithing wins or my taxes.

Utah beat perennial powerhouse Alabama in the Sugar Bowl 31-17. In the BCS Championship game, Florida (13-1) beat Oklahoma (12-2).  Did Utah deserve a chance to play in the championship game?  No.  Do they deserve to be #1 after beating Alabama?  Probably not.  Here’s why:

Many people argue that Utah’s perfect record should have automatically qualified them for the championship game and the #1 spot.  I disagree.  Schedule strength is important, but more importantly, the national champion, just as in any sport with a tournament, is the best team at the end of the season.  Florida lost to Mississippi by 1 point in September.  Does that make them worse than Utah in January?  Not necessarily.

After their loss and up until the bowl season, Florida beat three teams currently ranked in the top 25, including one top 10 team (Alabama).  Utah also beat three teams currently in the top 25, including one top 10 team (TCU).  But Florida’s only close win was against Alabama (31-20).  Utah barely squeaked by five teams (three unranked and two games at home).  I think Florida’s resume outshines Utah’s by far.

Oklahoma beat four teams currently in the top 25, including one top 10 team (TCU).  Their only loss was to #4 Texas in October.   In their last five games of the regular season,  Oklahoma scored 60+ points with an average point margin of 35 points, and against three top 25 teams.  Oklahoma definitely deserved to be in the championship game.

Utah’s misfortune is that they hadn’t beaten an Alabama during the regular season.  The voters had no reason whatsoever to believe Utah was the best team in the nation.  Considering their convincing bowl victory over Alabama, Utah very well could have beaten Florida or Oklahoma.  But maybe Texas, USC, or even TCU could have too.

Given the current system, I don’t think Utah should have been in the championship game, and I think the voters did right to crown Florida the champions.  They seem to be the best team.  But I do think Utah, and the other teams mentioned, deserved a chance to play for the championship.  The only way to do that is with a playoff.  Hope springs eternal.

I know this is long, but one final thought:  who really cares?  Why are Americans obsessed with knowing who’s the best?  Why do we need a ranking or a trophy to validate our performance or self-worth?  Why can’t we just play or watch sports and enjoy the atmosphere and competition?

Football is a lot of fun, but it’s just a game.  Time to move on.

What do you think?

Bronco Mendenhall

The world loves competition and comparison.  Who’s the fastest sprinter on earth?  Who in the class scored the highest on the SAT or ACT?  Whose kids are cuter?  Is my phone as cool as hers?

Is there anything wrong with competition and comparison?  I believe there is.  Competition and comparison can encourage us to be better in some ways but can also impede our progression.

At a recent fireside, I heard Bronco Mendenhall, the head coach of BYU’s football team, relate the following story (in my words):

Bronco came home from work one day and found his son’s graded spelling test on the counter.  He was very happy to see that his son had scored 100%.  Then he noticed a note from his son next to the test.  “Dad, I got the best grade in the class.  I was the only one who got 100%!”  Bronco’s happy feelings turned quickly to disappointment.  He felt that as a father he had failed, at least in one regard, since his son thought his dad would be happy to know that he had outperformed everybody in the class.

Coach Mendenhall said that he truly doesn’t care how his children perform compared with other children; he only cares that each of them does his very best in all they do.  He said the same of his football team.  He only wants each player, and the team as a whole, to do his very best each day both on and off the field.  Comparisons don’t matter.

Mendenhall bore his testimony that the Lord only expects us to do our very best each day, regardless of how well others do.  I believe he’s right.  The world would have us constantly compare ourselves one with another; the Lord would only have us compare ourselves with Christ to determine how we can become more like Him.

We should look to Christ as the mark of perfection and even try to emulate the Christlike qualities we observe in others.  But once we begin worrying whether we are better or worse than another mortal, we are no longer like Christ.  In the end, our eternal destiny will depend not on how we compare with our brothers and sisters but on who we are.

What do you think?

Ever get tired of cooking and cleaning up every day?  Does your diet consist mostly of frozen pizza, Ramen noodles, and fast food because that’s all you have time to make?  Do you have a New Year’s resolution to eat healthier food?  If you want to eat healthy, tasty meals on a lean budget, then I have an idea for you:  put your freezer to work.

I’ve been doing this for several years.  I make large quantities of delicious meals once or twice a week and freeze the leftovers to eat on days when I have less time to cook or just don’t feel like cooking.  I know this isn’t a novel idea, but it has improved my quality of life, so I’m sharing it with you.

Here’s what I do

I love pasta.  I make a wide variety of pasta sauces using all fresh ingredients.  When I have time, I cook a large pot of sauce (enough for 8-12 meals for one person).  I usually eat one serving the day I make it, put another in the fridge for lunch the next day, and freeze the rest of the sauce in plastic containers.  On other days, I thaw out a serving of sauce while I boil pasta (it tastes better freshly boiled) and have a healthy, tasty meal in about 10 minutes.  I also don’t spend more than 3-5 minutes cleaning up.

Today I made an alfredo sauce from scratch and added onions, garlic, scallions, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, parsley, and ham.  It was delicious, and there’s enough in my freezer for about 7 more meals.  Also in my freezer now, I have a vegetable, beef tomato sauce and my version of an Italian wedding soup.  There’s also some chicken peanut curry sauce that I use on freshly cooked rice.

I love having a wide variety of tasty, healthy (at least relatively healthy) dishes available in my freezer whenever I want them.  And with enough freezer space the possibilities are endless.  Just about anything can be frozen.  It does take a little planning but sure beats lots of cooking and cleaning every day.  It’s also healthier and cheaper than things like frozen pizza and fast food.  Your freezer is your ticket — well, one ticket at least — to a better life.

Anybody have other ideas for healthy, efficient cooking?

Since about 2001, I’ve been trying to figure out what “true love” means in dating and marriage.  In my opinion, Hollywood and the music industry portray love falsely.  Popular culture’s counterfeit love is enticing to many people but leaves much to desire. It involves things like weekly crushes, “love at first sight,” and engaging in intimate relations before genuine friendship and appropriate commitment.  Though such things can be stepping stones to love or manifestations of it, they are not love. Love is much more.

I recently came across a song by Clint Black that sums up nicely, at least in part, what true love in dating and marriage means to me.  You can listen to it by clicking on the arrow below or you can read most of the lyrics below:

Something That We Do
Clint Black

…
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn’t something that we find
It’s something that we do

It’s holding tight, lettin’ go
It’s flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness too

It’s a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn’t something that we have
It’s something that we do

We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can’t tell where I end and where you start
…
We’re on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love’s not just something that we’re in
It’s something that we do
…
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
…
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn’t just those words we said
It’s something that we do

There’s no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn’t someplace that we fall
It’s something that we do

(see all lyrics)

Love is not fleeting, superficial, or self-serving.  It’s not just a feeling or a phrase, it’s something that we do.  It takes much time and effort.  The deepest form of love is charity, or “the pure love of Christ.”  Charity enhances any relationship because people see each other as God sees them, and they earnestly seek to make one another happy rather than expecting their partner to make them happy.  The truest form of love comes from God.

What do you think?

Resources:

The Gospel and Romantic Love, Bruce C. Hafen

Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments, Jeffrey R. Holland