As a child, sleep for me on Christmas Eve was harder to come by than snow flurries in the Sahara Desert.  After counting hundreds of sheep, goats, and other woolly mammals, I would eventually fall asleep but then toss and turn throughout the night.  Beginning at about 5 a.m., I would lay awake, anxiously awaiting the arrival of 7 o’clock — the time we were allowed to get up.

Times have changed.  On Christmas morning this year, I woke up at 9 a.m. and wanted to sleep longer.  Although I was certainly looking forward to Christmas, I was in no rush to surrender the warmth and comfort of my bed for the events that were to come that day.

Photo by Matt J

What has changed? I think the most obvious difference between now and then is that my views on gift-giving and gift-receiving have transformed over time.  During my childhood and adolescence, Christmas was mostly about the thrill of seeing what Santa and my family had left for me.  This year, Christmas was mostly about spending time with family, taking a break from work, listening to good music, and remembering Christ.  For me, receiving gifts just isn’t what it used to be.

I find very little joy or satisfaction in receiving gifts.  Rarely do I really need anything and when I do I can buy it for myself.  Because of this, I always have a hard time writing up a “wish list,” and I almost feel bad that people spend money on me.

Though I am always grateful for everything people generously give me, what I enjoy most about gift exchanges is watching someone open a gift they love and appreciate, especially when I am the giver.  For example, we used to know when one of my sisters really liked a gift because as she opened it she would let out an abrupt, high-pitched, eardrum-shattering scream.  For me, witnessing that scene is a lot more exciting than opening a gift myself.

I hope I don’t sound like a Scrooge.  I just find much more joy in giving gifts than receiving them, and other Christmas events such as spending time with family and friends and attending Christmas concerts like the Messiah Sing-along mean much more to me now than they used to.  Here are a few concluding thoughts on Christmas gifts:

• The best gifts are those that require the most thought, have some special meaning, or are homemade.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.  The only gift is a portion of thyself.”  I do love to receive these kinds of gifts because they mean much more to me.
• Never return a gift.  I know it’s tempting to be practical about giving and receiving gifts, but because I believe it really is “the thought that counts,” I’ve decided never to return a gift.  When I have returned gifts in the past I’ve regretted it.
• Gift-giving should happen all year long.  Why do we give gifts mostly just around Christmas time?  Why not surprise someone you love with a thoughtful gift on Easter, Columbus Day, or any random day?

What do you think?

One of my favorite songs this year has been “Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive,” which was first published in 1944.  I like it not only because the tune is catchy, but also because the words inspire me.  Given that both President Monson and President Hinckley have quoted the song in their talks, it must offer some good advice.  Here’s the first stanza:

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between

And here is my favorite recording of the song:

I think we could all use an extra dose of optimism, especially during this week of thanksgiving. As you do so, please consider the following words of wisdom:

President Monson:

This is a wonderful time to be living here on earth. Our opportunities are limitless. While there are some things wrong in the world today, there are many things right, such as teachers who teach, ministers who minister, marriages that make it, parents who sacrifice, and friends who help.

We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues (Thomas S. Monson, “An Attitude of Gratitude,” 2000).

President Hinckley:

I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort…

What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears (Gordon B. Hinckley, “The Continuing Pursuit of Truth,” 1986).

I hope we can all “accentuate the positive” more often.

What do you think?

It seems to me that the general authorities of the Church have been addressing the topic of pornography more and more in recent years.  I decided to find out.  I did an online search for any conference talk that has mentioned the word “pornography” or “pornographic” since 1969.  The search revealed 214 talks.  I made the following graph to show the distribution of these talks over the years:

Trends

The trend that I noticed first is that since 1998 there have been 5 to 10 talks each year that mention pornography.  This rate is quite a bit higher than any decade before it.

I also noticed that in some years there were no mentions or just one (1969, 1972, 1985, 1995, 1996), which surprises me.  Then there were years like 1973, 1974, 1992, 1993 in which pornography mentions spiked.  I wonder if in those years pornography was an even greater problem or if the increase is just a coincidence.

The two main lessons I learned from doing this analysis are 1) Pornography is not a new problem.  The Brethren have been addressing it often since at least 1970.  2) The pornography problem must be getting worse.  As time goes on, the Brethren are addressing the issue more often and more consistently.  I assume that this is due to the proliferation of pornography throughout our society, especially on the Internet.

Effects

Pornography is deadly.  Once viewed, it tantalizes the mind and binds men and women into spiritual and physical slavery.  It destroys minds, careers, families, and souls.  We should all avoid pornography like the plague (or swine flu, if you prefer).  Here is a brief selection of warnings and calls to repentance from the talks that I reviewed:

The effects of pornography

Along with losing the Spirit, pornography users also lose perspective and proportion (Clayton, 2007).

Pornography produces fantasies that destroy spirituality … Pornography also inflicts mortal wounds on our most precious personal relationships (Oaks, 2005).

Pornography impairs one’s ability to enjoy a normal emotional, romantic, and spiritual relationship with a person of the opposite sex. It erodes the moral barriers that stand against inappropriate, abnormal, or illegal behavior. As conscience is desensitized, patrons of pornography are led to act out what they have witnessed, regardless of its effects on their life and the lives of others.  Pornography is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it “hooks” its users, drawing them back obsessively for more and more (Oaks, 2005).

[Pornography] leads to fantasies that are destructive of self-respect. It leads to illicit relationships, often to disease, and to abusive criminal activity … It will be amen to the effectiveness of that priesthood for anyone who engages in the practice of seeking out pornographic material (Hinckley, 2004).

Counsel to avoid pornography and repent

My brothers and sisters, involvement in [pornography] will literally destroy the spirit. Be strong. Be clean. Avoid such degrading and destructive types of content at all costs—wherever they may be! I sound this warning to everyone, everywhere … And if you have allowed yourself to become involved in this behavior, cease now. Seek the help you need to overcome and to change the direction of your life. Take the steps necessary to get back on the strait and narrow, and then stay there (Monson, 2009).

Avoid the deadly poisons of pornography and narcotics (Packer, 2009).

Do all that you can to avoid pornography … Do not patronize pornography (Oaks, 2005).

Let any who may be in the grip of this vise get upon their knees in the privacy of their closet and plead with the Lord for help to free them from this evil monster. Otherwise, this vicious stain will continue through life and even into eternity (Hinckley, 2004).

Resolve to avoid pornography as you would avoid the most insidious disease, for that is precisely what it is (Ballard, 2002).

Avoid pornography as you would a plague (Hinckley, 1983).

Members of the Church everywhere are urged to not only resist the widespread plague of pornography, but as citizens to become actively and relentlessly engaged in the fight against this insidious enemy of humanity around the world (Kimball, 1976).

What do you think?

Last summer, I attended a conference for the “young single adults” in my area. The conference theme was “the power of balance.”  As part of the weekend, the organizers asked my friend Nate Justis to write and perform a song about living a balanced life.  I really enjoyed the melody, humor, and message of the song, so I’m sharing it with you.  You can listen to it in the box below or you can click here.

Ever tried to juggle twelve bowling pins while walking across a tight rope?  I hear it’s pretty hard to do.  What about staying sane while simultaneously trying to be a productive employee or student, fulfill your church calling, care for your family and friends, keep your house and health in order, attend the temple, study the scriptures and other good books, participate in civic affairs, and do everything else you want to do or think you should do?  That’s a pretty challenging feat, too.

I’ve written recently about the importance of living a simple life.  Closely related to this concept, and equally important,  is living a balanced life.  A simple life is good, but it is even better when it includes a variety of activities and when its executor does not run faster than he or she has strength.  We must do all things in wisdom and order.

What does it mean to live a balanced life?  Let’s first list some characteristics of an imbalanced life:

• Working 12+ hours each day
• Playing video games or watching Youtube videos all day
• Reading the scriptures all day
• Sleeping less than is reasonably needed
• Trying to accomplish more in one day than is physically, mentally, or emotionally possible

In other words, it is best to divide our time among various worthy activities.  True, some days we may need to dedicate extra time to, say, family or work.  Perhaps even over the course of a semester as a student or a 5-year period as a bishop we may need to focus more on specific activities, but, generally, we should strive for balance.  Also, we should also try to accomplish everything of which we are capable each day but nothing more.  We simply can’t do everything we’d like to do.  Elder Maxwell said this:

We unwisely often write checks against our time accounts as we never would dare do, comparably, against our bank accounts. Sometimes we make so many commitments, they become like the vines in the allegory of Jacob, threatening to “overcome the roots,” including the roots of family relationships, friendships, and relationships with God. (Neal A. Maxwell, “Wisdom and Order,” Aug., 25, 1993)

Some people run about frantically from event to event or chore to chore while oblivious to the simple joys of life.  Even when going about doing good, frenzied industriousness is not orderly and is not necessarily wise.   In the same talk, Elder Maxwell also said this:

Somehow, giving unhurried time is a greater gift even if the minutes or hours are technically the same as when hurried.

It is best to determine which activities are “good,” “better,” and “best” for us to do, as Elder Oaks has explained, and then to start with the “best” activities and work our way down the list.  I have found great satisfaction in working to accomplish those goals and daily tasks that are most important to me while keeping things simple and balanced.  Living a simple, balanced life is one good way to do things in wisdom and order.

What do you think?

To my friends and family who have asked me to publish my recipes:  today is your lucky day.  Here are some of the best recipes from a book that my kindergarten class put together in 1985-86.  Let me know how they turn out!

Casserole (Clinton Smith)

Cook noodles and melt the cheese and put the cheese on the noodles and stir it up then it’s done.

Peanut Butter Cookies (Tia Ferguson)

Put peanut butter in little balls then squish it up.  Pat them down and then put them on some straight pans and put them in the oven to cook for 5 minutes.

Soup (Scot Thomas)

Dump a can of soup into a pan and cook it for 10 minutes.  Put it in a bowl and eat it.

Sloppy Joes (Suzi Miller)

First get the buns.  Make the meat and cook it then put it on the buns then put the top on.

Pudding (Matthew Piccolo)

Get a bowl and put in the milk and pudding and stir it up.  Put it in the fridge for how long it says on the box.

Bread and Milk (Celeste Wilson)

Get as many breads as you want and tear it up and put it in a bowl, then put as much milk in as you want then add half of a spoon of sugar.  It’s ready to eat.

Vegetable Pie (Daniel Hughes)

Chop up lettuce, smash the carrots, chop some radishes and put it in a bowl and mix it up.  Put it in the oven.  Cook for 10 minutes then eat it.

Blueberry Muffins (Nicholas Gray)

Take dough and put it in a Muffin Pan.  Bake them, then put decorations on the top.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

I’d like to share a talk with you that means a lot to me.  It’s called “Our Refined Heavenly Home” by Elder Douglas L. Callister.  Perhaps you’ve read it.  It was originally given at a BYU devotional in 2006 and was subsequently reprinted in BYU magazine in full and in the June Ensign in part.

Photo by Bradley Slade

Why does this talk mean so much to me?  It puts into eloquent words many lessons and truths that the Spirit has taught me over the years — lessons and truths that in some cases I have been able to articulate but in many cases I have not, though I have made sense of them in my mind and felt them in my heart.

I’ll let you read the talk on your own, but here is one paragraph that describes the purpose of it:

Today I would like to peek behind the veil that temporarily separates us from our heavenly home and paint a word picture of the virtuous, lovely, and refined circumstances that exist there. I will speak of the language, literature, music, and art of heaven, as well as the immaculate appearance of heavenly beings, for I believe that in heaven we will find each of these in pure and perfected form.

And here is one of Elder Callister’s most important teachings:

The nearer we get to God, the more easily our spirits are touched by refined and beautiful things.

I believe this teaching to be true.  And it’s not something a person understands until they experience it themselves.  The nearer we get to God, the more we know Him, and the more we become like Him, the more we recognize, appreciate, and seek after the good, the pure, the virtuous, the tasteful, the profound, the beautiful, and the refined in all aspects of life.

Please take a few minutes to read or listen to this talk.  I think you’ll find it to be inspiring and enlightening.

What do you think?

My week-long experiment of trying to live a more simple life was a great success.  My hypothesis before the experiment was that I’d have more time to do things that are most important to me (e.g. sleep and read) and that my mind would be more clear and at peace more often.  Both predictions came true.

I felt a great sense of freedom not being attached to checking my e-mail, my phone, and Facebook so often.  It helped me focus better on the task at hand rather than being distracted by other things.  It reminded me that personal contact with friends and family is more fulfilling and useful than a text message or e-mail.

Though I watched very little TV before, I realized after the week of experimentation that I didn’t miss watching the programs I was used to watching–at all.

In fact, I didn’t turn on my TV once during June and had my cable disconnected a week ago.  I haven’t thought twice about it.  Not only have I enjoyed reading instead of watching TV while I eat meals, but I’m also going to save about $50/month by not having cable.

I’m still doing most of the things I set out to do during my experiment and my life is better for it.  I encourage everyone else to give these things a try and to identify other ways you can simplify your life.

What do you think?

Do you ever feel like there’s not enough time to do everything you’d like to do?  Do you find yourself always trying to “catch up”?  Do the pressures of work, family, social life, and church callings all coming down on you at once, and constantly, seem too much to bear?  Sometimes I feel this way.

In Elder Perry’s October 2008 conference address, he said,

“In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives.”

I’d like to obtain relief from the stresses of life, so I’m going to see what I can do to simplify my life.  I think an experiment is in order here.  I think I’ll go on a fast, not of food but of stressors and distractions.  Here’s what I’ve chosen to do, or not do, for the next week:

Limit Media/Communication

• No Internet after 10 p.m.
• Check personal e-mail only once during lunch and once in the evening.
• Check phone for voicemails/texts only once during lunch and once in the evening.
• No T.V. at all; no movies except for at social gatherings (which happens rarely for me).
• No Facebook unless I get a personal message.
• While at work, focus on work 100% except during lunch.  No personal e-mails, YouTube videos e-mailed from co-workers, or Web surfing (including news) not related to my research.

Slow Down

• Leave for appointments or meetings with plenty of time to spare.  This will help me arrive on time and decrease the stress of driving in a hurry.
• Take the bus as often as possible.  This takes more time but is more relaxing than driving to/from work and also gives me quiet time to read and ponder.  Biking is also good when possible.
• Identify a few important tasks that I will complete each day and consider any additional tasks accomplished a bonus.  This will help me feel I’ve accomplished what I’ve set out to do each day, thus reducing the pressure to do more than is necessary or possible.
• Any other ideas?  No blogging?  No eating?  No dating?

I think some of these things will be hard to do, but I think the experiment is worth a try.  I’m guessing that I’ll be more able to devote more time to things that are most important to me, and I’ll be less stressed out than usual.  We’ll see.  I’ll let you know.

I invite you to make your own list of stressors and distractions that if eliminated or reduced might help simplify your life, and maybe you can fast along with me for the next week.  I’d love to hear your experiences.

What do you think?

“Watching You,” by Rodney Atkins

This video inspires me, especially the part when the son prays.  It makes me want to be a good dad, when I am one, and it reminds me that whether we like it or not, someone is always watching us.  Knowing that people are paying attention to what we do and say should not worry us, rather it should encourage us to be the very best we can at all times.

Many people are role models for others, especially people like parents, ecclesiastical leaders, and career mentors, even though they might not choose to be.  I hope we can all do our best to be our best selves in a way that inspires others to be their best.  We shouldn’t do it to look good in front of others but simply because we want to be our best, and people who happen to watch us will want to be better themselves.

What do you think?

***Here’s a brief summary of a story told at a recent BYU devotional that illustrates how knowing someone is watching you can inspire you to be better:

“Brooks told a story of how he was carrying around a BYU briefcase temporarily after his own broke, yet he’s Roman Catholic. He claimed it was changing his personality, because he wanted to live up to the LDS reputation. He didn’t want someone to see him acting like a jerk at the airport and have that give the Mormons a bad name. It was making his life better, and things were going really well for him, and the service for which the LDS have become “justifiably famous” was making him better.”

You can hear the story and whole talk here.

Perhaps you’ve heard of a television program called “Biggest Loser.”  I hear it’s a competition to see who can lose the most weight in about 3 months.  Well, this idea has inspired me. 

I don’t need to lose any weight; in fact, if I did I might look like a beanpole.  What I do need to do is gain a few pounds, so I’m starting my own competition called “Biggest Gainer.”

The object of the competition is to see who can gain the most weight in the month of April — not fat, just solid body mass.  The prize is…personal fulfillment, including more strength, more energy, and more glances while in the cereal aisle at the grocery store (if that’s what you want).  Who’s in?

Here’s my game plan:

1. Eat three full meals each day, including lots of “healthy” fat, protein, and carbs (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, pasta)
2. Eat 1-2 healthy snacks each day
3. Lift weights 3-4 times each week
4. Run 2-6 miles three times each week (or will this make me lose weight?)
5. Any other suggestions?

The competition begins April 1st and ends April 30th.  Those who prefer to shrink rather than expand their circumference may also participate, but to win they must lose twice as many pounds as I gain.

Just so you know, I don’t fret much at all about my weight, but I really enjoy a challenge, and this one will test my fortitude.  It will also make me healthy and strong.

What do you think?